Uncertainty is normal when you book your first couples counselling session.
But you should know that reaching out is a sign of strength, not failure.
Let’s walk through what that first session actually looks like, how to prepare for it, and what to expect as you move forward in your relationship.
Does Couples Counselling Actually Work?
The short answer is yes, but the way it works might surprise you.
Couples counselling isn’t about a therapist declaring who’s right and who’s wrong. Instead, it gives you and your partner a structured space to understand each other’s patterns and build new ones together.
Take communication, for example. Many couples don’t struggle with a lack of love. They struggle with a lack of tools.
A therapist trained in approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you notice the cycle you fall into during an argument, then teach you both how to step out of it before it does more damage.
Successful counselling depends on whether both partners show up ready to be honest, with themselves and with each other.
Learn More: Signs Your Relationship May Benefit From Couples Counselling
What Happens in Your First Couples Counselling Session
Most first sessions start with the practical stuff; your therapist will:
- Review confidentiality
- Explain how sessions work
- Answer any questions about the process itself
This discussion lays the foundation for the trust that everything else depends on. From there, the conversation turns to your story.
Your therapist will likely ask how you met, what drew you together, and what’s changed since then. These aren’t small-talk questions, but questions to help your therapist understand the shape of your relationship before addressing what’s straining it.
For example, Dr. Jason Jones, registered psychologist at Loving Choices, says he pays attention to the moves a couple makes with each other in the dialogue:
“Does one person tend to pursue resolution while the other withdraws? Or do they both pursue but place blame on each other for the problems? Or, has there been a pursuer who got burned out and has shut down?”
These patterns often say more than the words themselves, and noticing them early on is part of your therapist’s job. Jason says strength factors, like hope and building positivity, are important. He says:
“I’m also looking for rituals and routines of the couple and what areas may require strength-building, like making time to enjoy each other or to discuss tough topics.”
Being open about the sensitive parts of your relationship, in front of someone else, takes real courage. It helps to remember that vulnerability is often what moves a relationship forward, not what puts it at risk.
| 💜 By the end of the first session, probably nothing will be “fixed”. But that’s not the point. The first session isn’t about solving your relationship in fifty minutes. It’s about laying the groundwork so the sessions that follow can actually help. |
How to Prepare for Your First Session
You don’t need a script, and you don’t need to have your relationship figured out before you walk in. A little preparation, though, can help you feel steadier and more present once you’re there.
Before your appointment:
- Reflect on what you want to get out of it. You don’t need a polished goal, just an honest sense of what’s been bothering you or what you’d like to feel more of in your relationship.
- Talk with your partner beforehand, if you can. Agree to approach the session with curiosity rather than blame. You’re on the same team here, even when it doesn’t feel that way.
- Write down anything you don’t want to forget. Sessions can bring up more than expected, and having a few notes keeps you from losing your train of thought.
- Come with an open mind. There’s no “right” way to start. Your first session is a conversation, not an exam.
After your session:
- Give yourself time to reflect. Notice what surprised you or what stuck with you, even if it feels small.
- Keep talking with your partner between sessions. The conversation doesn’t have to end when the fifty minutes are up.
- Be patient with the pace. Meaningful change tends to happen gradually, not all at once.
The Loving Choices Approach
Every couple who walks through our doors brings a different story, so we don’t rely on a one-size-fits-all method. Instead, our therapists draw on research-backed approaches like EFT and the Gottman Method, adapting them to fit the relationship in front of them.
Dr. Jason Jones, Director and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor at Loving Choices, has spent years helping couples navigate the patterns that keep them stuck.
Jason and his team of psychologists’ approach integrates EFT, the Gottman Method, and Family Systems therapy, giving the Loving Choices team a range of tools to draw from depending on what a couple actually needs.
“Gottman is good at looking at what are successful behaviours for couples and is more behavioural in approach,” says Jason, “and a bit more effective for mild to moderate issues where clients can change their behaviours.”
On the other hand, he says EFT goes a bit deeper, addressing why you might not be able to change those behaviours.
“It focuses on the dysfunctional cycles in the relationship and helps individuals understand why they keep doing that using attachment theory.”
What ties these approaches together isn’t a rigid formula. It’s a belief that couples already have the capacity to reconnect.
The work is helping them find their way back to it, with the right support along the way.
How Long Does Couples Counselling Take?
There’s no set number of sessions that applies to every couple, and that’s by design.
Most sessions run 50 minutes, though some couples elect to do 80 minute sessions as well.
How often you meet is decided based on what you and your partner need, not a fixed program you’re slotted into.
Some couples come in with a specific issue to work through and find that a handful of sessions gives them what they need.
Others are working through something deeper, like rebuilding trust after a betrayal, and choose to meet more regularly over a longer stretch of time.
Both approaches are normal, and neither indicates how “bad” your relationship is. What’s more, the Loving Choices team encourages you to let your psychologist know if you’d like a different model or approach.
Ultimately, what matters more than the number of sessions is the direction you’re moving in.
Small shifts, like catching yourselves mid-argument or being able to name what you’re actually feeling, are often signs that the work is taking hold, even before the bigger issues feel resolved.
Cost, Insurance, and Booking
Most extended health plans cover sessions with a Registered Psychologist or Registered Provisional Psychologist.
If you’re covered by Blue Cross, Sun Life, or Green Shield, our provisional psychologists can often direct bill on your behalf. Our registered psychologists can generally bill to all providers. For other plans, you’ll receive a detailed receipt to submit for coverage.
If you’re not sure what your plan covers, please speak with your insurance provider.
Sessions are available in person or online, so scheduling around work, kids, or distance doesn’t have to be a barrier to getting started. Whichever format fits your life right now, the goal is the same: giving you and your partner a space to reconnect.
Ready to take the next step?
Explore our couples counselling resources or book your first session today.